<
2011
I don’t know, I think it’s been a thing to write a blog before the year ends and see how much you’ve grown, what have you been thankful for, things that you regret, how stupid you’ve been or how good or rude the year was to you.
Anyway, as much as the other years were, 2011 was more of a challenging year for me. A lot of explaining, expressing, crucial decision making, trying, meeting new people, trying harder, failing, losing hope, having hope, crying, loving, hating, appreciating, making an effort, and a lot more.
Let me go back to how this year started; well as of how I remember it, I started it with a lot of hate. Maybe I started the year with a lot of unsettled things. I wasn’t happy at all, I was aware of that. I was so awkward being with a group of people, I pretended too much that I was okay of what was going on but I really wasn’t. I hated myself, cause I hated people too much.
I hated myself for not being able to do good. (But it was math, I had a good excuse.) I had to suffer the consequences, summer classes, yes that. But it was one of the most fruitful summers ever, with the preparation for the concert which was tiring but fun, the concert was a success! The preparation for the camp with the fund raising and the recruitment, band practice, unexpected trips, meetings, and the camp itself, where there’s a different story. And with the summer class going on, it was like I was always occupied and even if I was tired, I was happy. I remember one saying that a person who’s living the life she wanted was to wake up in the morning and sleep at night and do things she love during the day. I was fulfilled.
One more highlight of this year was my legalization, although I did not really have the fancy debut where everyone worships you. I didn’t like it in the first place, we were not fortunate enough to afford one. But I really wish I had one if given a chance, where I’ll be choosing the 18 guys who were significant in my life cause believe me, I made a list before haha but it’s too late now, again, we can not afford one but I was happy the people who loves me really made me feel special with the surprise that made me cry like a baby. Well, I cry fast.
School was fine, I was just not sure if I’m geared up with my chosen career. I just have to push myself cause I do not want to waste time and money. I just can’t put my heart to it full time. I’m just happy I passed all my subject because I can not afford another failure.
Well, maybe because I’m getting old, we all have to accept that awful truth, I really learned what I want and what I don’t want clearly. Maybe, I do not like being told what to do. I’m stubborn. I do not like being blamed for what I am innocent about. No matter how you try to be strong, sometimes, no matter how hard you try to stand, you’ll trip and fall down. When I love, I love too much so everything hurts so much too. I help people and I can’t even help myself. I’m such an insecure bitch. I’m lazy as fuck. I do not like big responsibilities cause I’m scared of not keeping up to people’s expectations.
How do you even end a year-ender blog? I have no idea how. But maybe I can try to make a pledge and challenge myself. But I’ll write the challenges on my planner. You know, there are a lot of things I can not start when this year approaches. I think I just have to be smart-er-ish this time so the burden wouldn’t be that bad. Now I’m just getting lazy to write and my mind is blank. I’m just wishing that 2012 will be better, no I’m not wishing for it, I will make it happen, I will make it better. I’m a strong, matured, empowered girl now. Besides, it’s almost the last year-ish of being a teen, adulthood about to eat me up alive so gotta make the most out of it.
